Evidence that the world is collectively retarded

Top 5 Searches on MSN, Thursday 28 April 2005

1. Drew Barrymore
2. ‘Star Wars’
3. Reese Witherspoon
4. Food pyramid
5. ‘Harry Potter’

Uni dropouts of the world, rejoice

Seems like MIT needs to increase the coursework load for their graduate students... three of them with too much time have written a program that randomly generates Computer Science journal articles. One such randomly generated article ("Rooter: A Methodology for the Typical Unification of Access Points and Redundancy") was recently accepted to the 9th World Multi-Conference on Systemics, Cybernetics and Informatics.

I am now the proud author of Bun: Multimodal algorithms. See it here (not sure how long it will be there for). Figure 3 is something that i thought especially hard about. Nobel committee, watch out.

Here is the original randomly generated paper that made it to the nerdfest:

http://pdos.csail.mit.edu/scigen/rooter.pdf

I've noticed that water boils faster in the summer

There, I've established my intellectual credentials for all.

Ultratoxophile today has a fine example of an abberration of the male species, not only because ... well you'll see... but also because of his misuse of the term Grrl.

THESE are the real Grrrls. Try and spot Tiger Woods.

Last nite i walked past a male mannequin with man boobs.... I think sometimes u can have too much reality

God's Rottweiler

So we've got a "hardliner" Pope.

Well, didn't we suggest a hardliner too, but someone who can handle a Magnum .44 and looks good in white?? Sorry Sam, just not your conclave.



Seems like the cardinals were in a bit of a hurry. They theoretically had about 14 chances to vote but got it over with in 6 (i think). Maybe they felt that the Church had had enough of a warm and cuddly Pope and wanted someone that could kick some non-believer ass. Either way, the real test of Pope Benedict's tenure will be how patient and reverent the Church will be with him if ever he is wheelchair bound and can hardly speak.

Hail to the chief

Stoo and I are starting a new campaign.

** Samuel L. Jackson for Pope **

8 reasons why Samuel L. Jackson would make a good Pope:

1. Can already handle a weapon; save money on Popemobile.

2. Good source of pithy bible quotes that will rouse the congregation on Sunday

3. May make Yoda a cardinal

4. May swap pointy hats for Kangols

5. Showed in Pulp Fiction that he enjoys serving the community: "Normally, both your asses would be dead as fucking fried chicken, but you happen to pull this shit while I'm in a transitional period so I don't wanna kill you, I wanna help you"

6. Morgan Freeman can't run; has been God already

7. Instead of crooked staff: light saber

8. Probably will be persuasive in getting little kids to read the Bible, especially if there is a handgun involved

Any antagonism towards my firm and those contemplating joining it instantly melted away when i got to Shanghai and saw my hotel room. Let's just say i've never been in a hotel room with a guest bathroom before. That's riiiiight!!

Shanghai

Rocks.

Recruiting (or "Society is not ready for you yet")

Interviewing was a bit bizarre. Cousin Nette: yes they were mainlanders. In a way i'm glad to have had the chance to come here and nip some potential assholes' careers in the bud. Those born in 1990 - these people could have been your boss so thank me for giving them the thumbs down and ruining their careers before they had the chance to ruin your as yet unformed life.

Or they were just numbnuts. Take the example of a candidate i'll call Meatstick

Me: It says here you studied advanced rocket science as well as American poetry. That's interesting. What do you like about poetry?

Meatstick: Oh, i like English... i find it more interesting than Chinese.

Me: What the?? I mean, oh, why is that?

Meatstick: Well, English words all have interesting roots. Like, in Chinese, meat is meat, while in English, you have beef, pork, mutton.... do you know why they call it beef?

Me: ??

Meatstick: (Launches into some convoluted explanation about how the French invaded England and made everyone call cows beef... or some shit like that, i was spitting out my water at the time)

Me: Ah. We'll be in touch.

Anyway we hired two. They freaked us out the least.

Inappropriate contact

So i came to work more tired and disinterested than usual - perhaps 6 hours sleep on sunday starting at 8am didn't agree with my "biorhythm". If i can only stay cruddy and mean-spirited until I go for graduate recruitment in Shanghai this week. Boy, won't those top-flight Chinese graduates expecting a thoughtful and informative interview with a professional be surprised!

Me: So why do you want to work for us?

The fourth straight-A Rhodes scholar that day: Because i am a committed team player who admires the principles of co-operation and mutual peer support that characterise your fine organisation.

Me: Fuck you

Anyway maybe it won't turn out so bad and at least i might get to sleep in a little bit. And I'll get a chance to catch up with Merv. And maybe i'll catch bird flu and get a few days off work.



Mr T says: "Hey boy, you lookin' mighty cute in them jeans!"

Fancy schmancy

I've decided to break away from that sorry excuse for a blog host, xanga.

But lest i forget all the people i took shots at, here is my old blog (all 4 posts of it) for posterity:

http://www.xanga.com/puunkroc

Apologies to epileptics, the colour scheme will probably land u in the ER.